#19: Mr. Brightside

“She has become legend herself She has be someone She wants to move Reminded of Hecuba How Martin Crimp you are” Jealously I find I see it is oxygen And something has happened to my ears As I burn They burn hot pink and orange Lip reading the hate And expecting the looks And glances […]

#18: Broken legs

[STEPHANIE sits on the hospital bed.] -Do you want me to bring your mum in? Stephanie? Stephanie? Do you want that? -I don’t want to see anyone -Do you want to be by yourself? We can arrange that -I don’t want to talk to her -Are you sure? -No it’s fine. Maybe I need to […]

#17: Some sort of zombie apocalypse

[Four people who live in the same desolated house. There is a chair and wallpaper but not much else. A radio is in the centre of the room. It has recently been made and tuned. It all very exciting. The first communication in days. ] -Shh. -He’s talking on the radio. -What? -What’s he saying? […]

#16: Hold for…

[JOHN stands outside at the doors of a theatre. GEORGE enters with a grump. He realizes he is not alone.] – Hello – Hi – What’s going on? – Don’t know – Do you want a sweet? – What you got? – Licorice – Ok – Do you like licorice? – No – Why you […]

#15: The flag

[Three disparate voices speak of times gone by. The audience are alienated.] -All we see is the best, the best, the best, the best -Well, this is interesting -Well, this is silly -Oh and this one is good -Have you read the one that involves a dog, a cat and a baby? -And it’s symbolic […]

#14: Some shit you feel when you’re drunk and sick as a dog.

– I’m really upset – You can’t just say that – Why? – You have to say that you’re fine. – Ok. – So, why you upset? – I’m not, I’m fine. – But you just said you were not – What does that matter? – What? – You told me to be fine – […]

#13: Three dancers and a baby

[A slow dance, somewhere. JEREMY and LILY are together, JEREMY is struggling.] -You’re counting wrong -How? -It’s ¾ -No it isn’t -You don’t even know what that means -Do you want to lead? -No, I like it when you do it -Are you going to dance with Graeme? -Would that be ok? -Yeah -Are you […]

#12: The Sea, after The Events

-Would you like me to sit with you? -Would you? -Would you like me to hold your hand? -Would you like it if -Can I? -Can I hold you? -Let me hold you please -I just want it to be quiet -It goes loud -Screams and shouts from afar -I wanted to be by myself […]

#11: Cop out

“So long as you write what you wish to write, that is all that matters; and whether it matters for ages or only for hours, nobody can say. But to sacrifice a hair of the head of your vision, a shade of its colour, in deference to some Headmaster with a silver pot in his […]

#10: Blind Faith

[MEG and STEPHEN sit in their cosy one-bedroom flat. MEG reads a paper. STEPHEN is looking through old CDs. He suddenly pulls one out of the case and puts it on.] -This is possibly the best album in the world. Listen to this. -Really? -Listen -Right -Can you hear that? -What? -Did you hear that? […]

#9: Gag Reflex (Part 1)

[Philippa enters the stage She holds a sick bag and a basin. She looks a bit queasy for a while, a bit uncertain. Then over time, she vomits. It’s fake of course. This is a performance and Philippa is a performer.] -That’s how it feels [Philippa holds up the sick bag] -If I were more […]

#8: Na na na nananana nananana Hey Jude!

[LAUREN, OLIVIA and VICTOR sit around the campfire. JULES, FIONA and TODD are leaving and saying goodnight. Alcohol has been consumed and pot has been smoked. JULES, FIONA and TODD leave and head back to their tents. It has been an interesting tense day on the hills.] – Any more booze? – I’ve got some […]

#7: Abbreviated

[SMITH and MR JONES are in a customer service environment.] -What would you do? -What you mean? -If you were me? If you were in my situation? -I’d apologise -But I’ve not done nothing wrong -I’d still say I’m sorry -That’s not the point -You’re telling me -You want me to agree with you -I […]

#6: Feels like we only go backwards

Author’s Note: This text serves the actors; not the audience. Do not present this text to a paying audience. It is banal and humdrum. – So you go long – You go long – Don’t come back – As a small blackbird flies from a nest, leaving his tree to search for food – Julie […]

#5: Something later

[GARRETT and QUARK stand by a phone box. It is 6pm. QUARK drinks from a hipflask, while GARRETT shakes in the cold.] – How do we arrive? – Probably by car, maybe on foot – Will we be in the back? – You’ll be in the front with the driver – Who’s that? – Kenneth […]

#4: The many props that distract one from life.

[A door falls out of its frame, narrowly missing a box of eggs, which is lying centrestage. MINNIE enters with a tray of drinks and places it on the table.] – Guy! Guy! – [offstage] What?! – The door’s fallen off again. – [offstage] Well, put it back then! [MINNIE looks at the tray of […]

#3: “I’ve baked a cake for Tim”

– You’re sweating – Yeah, I know [Mark starts to sit.] – Can you put a towel down? – Here? – Yeah, there’s one on the side. – Where? – Here. It’s right in front of you. – Oh right – Was it a good night? – We didn’t win – Oh – McGregor was […]

#2: Heartattack

[KIM slams the door. She is wearing a hat, t-shirt and shorts. She has one shoe. FIONA’s eyes are wide. They stare into the silence together, until it breaks underneath them.] – Is it true then? – What? – What they said about the aliens? – I didn’t see any. – What’s that then? – […]

#1: Perfume Advert

– It sounds like a perfume advert – It looks like a perfume advert – Everyone’s all made up. – It’s a whole new way of thinking. – A new way of imagining and dreaming about the future. – Today I do not feel beautiful – Today I do not feel myself – Could you […]