#137: Toast

-You can have toast here, Gerry? -What? -We’ve got bread here. -I know -And a toaster. There’s some butter in the fridge. -I like the cafe -You don’t need the cafe. It’s all here -I’m heading out. -You like the girl in the cafe -I like my things the way they are -She’s always chatting […]

#136: Great Rifts

There is a great rift and lake between us. We can wave at each other and make out each other’s hair and shapes. You’re wearing yellow and I wear blue, uncharacteristically, to blend in. At night, we send our lights across the landscape in the hope we might understand each other. We don’t speak Morse, […]

#134: A Brave Voice?

[The aftermath of civil war] [A drinks reception for the Captain. Crowds like we’ve never seen. Military personnel, politicians, sportspeople, nurses, doctors, scientists, nerds, people with babies, children, people in suits, hipsters. All admirers of the Captain. Mr Sangster is finishing his rousing introduction. It is full of sincerity; everyone is caught in the moment.] […]

#133: From A Play That I Wrote a Year Ago…

To be read aloud into a microphone, surrounded by books. Please ignore my incessant use of the return key. It means nothing I run a blog called Iris Speaks the Truth you might have heard of it it’s where I lie to people and tell them it’s going to be ok it’s not going to […]

#132: Mortal Cracks

She sits in her usual ample armchair, with piles of books and unopened magazines around her. She sips cautiously from the mug of weak herb tea which is now her substitute for coffee. At one time she thought that she could not live without coffee, but it turned out that it is really the warm […]

#131: No, you’re right, it needs to be piggy backs

In a brief moment of bravery a small mouse makes his way through the bushes into the farm. A sow watches him with curiosity. He has been for some time watching the mouse plan his movements. A little mouse is making his way into the mud patch. The cheek of it! The mouse quickly scurries […]

#130: Werewolves

The thing that keeps me focused is the song on repeat. It disintegrates in my eardrums and give me a sense of continuity. Even when there’s no rhyme or reason to be found. ENDS

#129: Doesn’t Know What Time It Is

[Susan is fixing her hair and Terry is pottering around.] [After a moment…] -Susan, have you seen my tie? -What was that, Terry? -My tie? -You’re wearing it? -Oh, so I am -Terry? -Yes? -Kiss me, Terry -Oh, Sue -Today’s a bad day, is it? We’re getting all dressed up -Yes, I suppose it is. […]

#128: Big Conversations

Your lyrics are clumsy but the setting to the music is a beautiful explosion of colour and numbers It makes me float ten feet above the ground She looks up it’s stars and meteors Her voice It breaks me to pieces in the sky ENDS

#127: Brain

[A school trip.] [Dr Fenwick enters with thirty young children and 1 slightly stressed teacher, Mr Marston] -And if you all like to come around the chamber. Here we are, children! Lovely. Gather, gather. Come on! Can everyone see? Small people at the front, larger ones at the back. That’s it! [There is a kerfuffle […]

#126: City Hall

[JEFFREYS is in SIMMONS’ office] -No, Jeffreys, I asked for those numbers yesterday! Where are they? -Sorry, Simmons -It’s not fucking good enough! -I’m waiting on different departments filtering that information back into the system. -You need to push them! -Sir, I’ve sent them dozens of emails -Emails? You need to pick up the phone, […]

#125: Stephen and June (Part 1)

[A care home] -Hello. -Hello. -I’ve moved into the room next door. -I’m Stephen. -June. -Nice to meet you, June. Would you like the tour? -I need to unpack. Maybe later. -Anytime. I’m right next door. -Thanks, Stephen? Right? -Yes. —— -How is it? -The food? -Yeah. -How is it? -It’s good. -Really? -It doesn’t […]

#123: Drunken Nightmares (Part 2)

CONTINUED… DAVID: The people worship my presence in our society of repressed dreams and intensifying expectations. Pride. Destiny. Lust. A joyous feeling of independence, a feeling of liberty and a feeling of choice. I want this splendour to continue forever. The people want me to stay and divide up their freedom. A: When alcohol enters […]

#122: Drunken Nightmares (Part 1)

[A nightclub, loud music. People dance.] DAVID: (yelling) The bright lights fill me up and the music takes over. A colossal explosion of colours and noise. Terrible electric. Men, woman and children fall into me and create injuries on my toes. There is a feeling of excitement that will never truly swallow me up. I […]

#121: Ice Cream for Breakfast (Part 3)

CONTINUED… A cardboard comedy for 7 year olds [MELANIE and JOE bring out and even bigger board.] MELANIE: At the end of the long green walled maze, a man sits playing Backgammon, there is no way past this without winning.However we have uncovered that he enjoys internet poker. JOE: Which I can beat him at. […]

#120: Ice Cream for Breakfast (Part 2)

CONTINUED… A cardboard comedy for 7 year olds HANNAH: If you could all fill out these forms, just to make sure that should anything happen, that loved ones are informed and there’s nobody who will sue. [She laughs manically.] [Papers are passed round, everyone groans.] ESKY: Is this really necessary? It’s just admin. HANNAH: It’s […]

#119: Ice Cream for Breakfast (Part 1)

A cardboard comedy for 7 year olds. ALL: Hup Two-three-four Hup Two-three-four Hup Two-three-four CLAIRE: Company! Halt! At ease! This is the long and arduous road ahead! There is no room for error…falling over…stopping…except now…and when we need to take a break. No unscheduled breaks. No toilet requests. We are in search of ourselves. Our […]

#118: Hey World, Meet Jules Begoune

SETTING: Also on this very day there is a man nameth Jules Begoune literary wonder genius autobiographer a man who has just published a further volume of his autobiography to be read aloud today. JULES: Thank you, Setting. I think I narrate myself from here ‘And as I entered, I paused (PAUSE) and I looked […]

#117: Old Drafts, Same Ideas

FIONA: Tim enters we all jump out he’s so surprised he screams then he hugs us congratulates us he’s actually surprised and he didn’t know in advance. ALICE: There’s Penny, Richard, John, James, Euan, Ian, Katie, Maria, Dave, Peter, Sophie, Nina, Pauline, Betty, Jerry, Antoine and Leonie. FIONA: And Tim stands in the centre tears […]

#116: The High Road

Pretty earrings and a convincing brown tan fake yeah you already said got it from down the road but passed it off as real it’s really a treat I like your shoes and that dress looks nice on you ENDS