I used to sit on the toilet
and pretend I was on a television chat show.
I used to discuss my latest film
my latest novel
my recent Oscar victory.
I used to pretend I was famous
and well-respected.
Not just a minor celebrity
out of a reality show
but a talented person
respected all over the world.
I could spend hours in there
people would knock on the cubicle door
and ask if I was all right.
And I was great
I’d just won my Oscar
for an acclaimed
terrific
performance
in the best written
best cinematography
best picture
of the year.
I was great.
And then the second knocking
on the cubicle door
would trigger
something in my head.
Something about me
just being me
and the fact
that I didn’t have a novel
or a film
or a great cinematographer to light me.
And that was that.
I was just me.
I was just someone
with my trousers round my feet
talking to
a toilet door about things
that don’t exist
and will never exist.
I was going to be famous
but instead
it just turned out
I was having a piss.
PHILIPPA MANNION 