#237: Ran

I don’t really know what to say. It begins with people being afraid. No, it starts with you. It all comes from your mind, your mind’s projection on the world, the way in which we view the world, how we lose sight of everything. It begins when you lose faith and the courage of your convictions… when these things are lost… When you lose certain things, and you feel like there is nothing tangible to cling onto…There’s a feeling of unfamiliarity with the people who love you. You feel closer to people you don’t know. I’ve started over-romanticising an image, a vision of somewhere far away from here. People are too complicated. They stop listening to you. They stop hearing what is said. I don’t know whether I cut myself off, or whether they did it for me. I don’t know whether I was pushed away. I ran away because… ‘ran away’ sounds juvenile. I’m 29 years old and I still think that this was the right thing to do. I don’t know. Well, you can’t ever really explain, can you? I picked up everything that I could and left… I just felt… It was a change, a change that was necessary. I’m trying to justify it by showing you the inside of my head… but I can’t. I can’t tell you how I‘m feeling. I don’t know. You’re asking me to explain myself and the truth… and there is no truth … there is no right answer here. This isn’t some equation that can be solved. It’s just a state I’m in. There’s not one answer; all of them are possible.