#197: Riverboat Services

No information is available at this time. No yetis allowed. No infectious diseases are allowed to enter through the Port of London. No dogs or hats. Only hats that are worn by dogs will be permitted through the gates. Please have your card ready to be overcharged. It’s two journeys but it’s one ticket. The view is mediocre, please take photos. No rabies may cross this line. Please keep your animal in its cage and do not carry it on land. Even if it’s in a cage!

No eggs can be carried on board. No vertigo sufferers. No Liza Minnelli impersonators. Only Liza Minnelli herself or her namesakes are allowed.

And what ever you do, don’t bring salt on board.

No pepper. No world champions of ANY variety. No scones available on board. Please bring your own sandwiches and supply your own milk.

No fucking dogs. Dogs who do not fuck are welcome.

Anyone who wears sunglasses will have them removed. Please use your eyes when viewing the sights. Don’t look at the children. Please keep your children of the side of the boat. No moorings. No note taking.

Please smoke at your leisure until someone tells you not to. An attendant will lend you a lighter if you do not have your own.

No flags. No footballs are allowed.

Thank you for your cooperation.