#141: Marble Factory

[Marbles. Everywhere. MR TERENCE is presenting his elaborate sales science to invited guests at the Marble Factory.]

-We have a magnificent opportunity to penetrate the market. Gentlemen and ladies, you are about to learn the secret of marble selling and the different ways we intend to change your users’ experience of the round objects that make our world. I’m not talking about Toys R Us. I’m not even talking about your local hypermarket! I’m talking about everywhere. Total penetration.

[LLOYD raises his hand.]

-No questions from the floor. I’ve work too long and too hard to answer questions. Statements. Facts. This is how we do business! We’ve asked all the questions and supplied all the answers so you don’t have to. Bring in the girls!!

[A series of scantily clad women arrive from stage left as if from a cupboard.]

-Women! Behold, the women of Marble Universe! Here to take your marbles from you and sell them back to you. They will sell marbles to your children, your parents, dads especially, grandfathers, lesbians, other people who find them degrading yet attractive. People who haven’t even considered marbles will now consider them!

[LLOYD signs]

-Marble Universe! Marble Galaxy! It’s at your front door, it’s in your newsagent, it’s in your pants. Women everywhere selling you the balls you need to get through the day!

[The women are dancing and flirting with the crowd.]

[One of them is near LLOYD who tries his best to remain composed for the presentation. Unfortunately he is distracted and while he’s been dancing with one of the models, several boxes near him topple to the ground.]

-My friend you have discovered the joy of marble dancing. Welcome aboard!

[There is champagne in MR TERENCE’s hand and he pops the cork and pours the liquid directly into his mouth and sprays it over the crowd. It is vulgar, but they all lap it up.]

ENDS

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