[A busy bar in Soho.]
-I’ve been drinking gin all night. What are you having?
-I think I’ll have the same.
-Excellent. I knew you were a gin boy when I saw you. Shall we be good and have Slimline?
-Oh please, I only consume Slimline. The other stuff makes me bloated.
-Are you really chatting about bloating on a our wonderful date?
-Sorry.
-I’m kidding, darling! Tell me about yourself
-Well…
-Drink your gin.
-Yes, well…
-Why don’t you turn that ass around and find us a table?
-Oh.
-Over there in the corner! Show me that ass, sugar plum! Show me where to stick it! Rawr!
-Nathan!
-Park that rear where I can see it!
-I need you to be more discreet .
-Why you gotta wife?
-Well…
-Oh my god. I’m an affair.
-It’s not that.
-You have a fucking wife.
-Yes.
-Does she know you’re here?
-Yes.
-How much does she know?
-Not much.
-You’ve talked about me.
-No, Deborah is aware of my tendencies. She permits me one night a week to explore my bisexuality.
-Your bisexuality?! You’re either into dicks or you’re not, honey!
-It’s not like that.
-Oh really? You don’t like her pussy so you want me to stick in yours?
-I love my wife.
-Not enough to actually love her though.
-Nathan! You have no idea what’s going here. This is a marriage. We’re trying to make it work.
-So you going to spread your legs or what for me tonight!?
-Can we chat for a bit?
-Sure.
[Pause.]
-So you’re a bisexual? What’s that like?!
[Sighs.]
ENDS
PHILIPPA MANNION 